Last Splash

The gene pool could use a little Chlorine.

You know what really gets me?

I watched the movie Message in the Bottle last night, which I borrowed from my dad's extensive DVD collection of John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, and Kevin Costner movies (I know, where does that fit in?) It stuck out like a sore thumb, but he insisted he really thought it was a great movie, and he had two copies anyway, so I took it home. Really, if you knew my dad, you'd be thinking "Nicholas Sparks???!!! Really?!" But, I guess I could see how he liked it. He's a boater himself, although not a sailor, and spent part of his formative years in one of those very small coastal Carolina communities. He's gruff and Southern like Kevin Costner's character in the movie. And he really is a conundrum in and of itself. I mean, this is a man that has done all of the following: converted part of the detached garage at his house into a "man" room used solely for grilling, watching old war movies, and smoking; spent about 12 of the last 24 months in Taiwan; eaten Sushi in Japan; sung karaoke in Australia; gotten drunk in the infield at a Nascar game; erected an honorary 9/11 flagpole in my mother's flower bed made of PVC pipe and tied to the house with boating rope. So, all things considered, I don't know why ANYthing he does surprises me anymore.

Former point aside, what really pissed me off during the movie was that it was filmed mostly in a coastal community that was very obviously somewhere on the left coast. Now, there is a very big difference in the two coasts, and as lovely as my feelings towards NoCal are after my honeymoon, I am and always will be an East Coast girl. It's in my blood. And I cannot understand how anyone could look at the beach scenes in that movie and think NC beaches look ANYTHING like that! Our beaches are not cold, or misty, or mountainous. Our lighthouses are tall and obtrusive, and our water is more emerald green that dark and mysterious. There is not a speck of black lava rock anywhere on a NC beach. And as famous as the Outer Banks are, you would have thought the movie's producers would have been OK filming there. I mean, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger used to own a HOUSE there! People from the midwest go to the Outer Banks all the time! What's wrong with us? We were good enough for fourty seasons of Dawson's Creek, for goodness sake, even though that was set in MA. How come we're not good enough for a book actually set in NC and written by one of our (fairly decent but a little too sappy and conventional) native authors? Shame on Nicholas Sparks for not insisting on that. But, then again, a man that allows ALL of his books to be made into movies probably isn't too concerned with authenticity.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 16:01 | link | comments |
film guide

Oh Whitney...

I was pleasantly surprised to find The Bodyguard on during my late-night, I have tomorrow off work, viewing party. I totally haven't seen it since, like, the 10th grade. Remind me again why we thought The Bodyguard, Clueless, and Speed were movies that warranted watching once a week? In any case...I was sad to discover that, yes, Whitney Houston was truly amazing at everything she did, which proves the lesson once and for all to us: stay away from crack. See what it does to you? She was so real and pure and talented, and now she's...well...have you ever seen the Mad TV video spoof of "whitney" and "mariah" singing "I'm not insane"? I highly recommend it. If only she had stayed with Kevin Costner...she wouldn't be crazy, and he wouldn't have married that "I don't have a real career so I'll call myself a handbag designer" blonde chick.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 18:03 | link | comments (2) |
meow, film guide

What's on my mind?

So, Hugh Grant has the new movie coming out, American Dreamz. I LOVE Hugh Grant movies. Not Hugh Grant, just the movies he makes. I know he plays basically the same character in each one, whether he's a slacker or the Prime Minister, but the movies themselves (particularly About a Boy and Love, Actually) are fantastic! And I can stomach him much easier without Elizabeth Hurley, who still hasn't made any movies that people might actually want to go see for any reason other than her breasts. Anyway, back to my point. I may be late on the draw with this, but if you've seen the previews it's got something to do with American Idol and the President. Now, long ago sometime during the Bush vs Kerry election in the early days, I was really struggling. The lesser of two evils thing was really getting to me, and I couldn't understand how this bi-partisan system failed to produce any candidate with the stamina, attitude, reserve, and qualification to actually run this country. And then it dawned on me. American President. We were sitting around one night talking about how we wish there were more "normal Joes" running for office, and that we would never get anything done as long as we continued to support candidates that had spent their entire lives in politics, therefore being corrupted by association. So, hello: we elect our President through reality TV. Anyone who wants to be President has to "audition" and then go through rigorous debates to get down to the top 12, and each week they have to do some kind of task, like balance a city council's budget or spend a day doing charity work, and then we vote for our favorite each week until we have one President standing. The runner up can be the VP. It's Brilliant, I tell you. More people vote, we get a normal person that may actually listen to more than just his advisors, and after surviving American President, he'll have some balls (unlike aforementioned presidential candidate).

posted by: Cannonball14 at 14:43 | link | comments (3) |
political bullshit, film guide