Last Splash

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Why Marriage Sucks Sometimes...

I warn you, this will be more like a diary entry than a blog post. I just need to let my feelings pour out right now and this is the only truly anonymous vehicle I have to do it.

My husband is a sissy. I can't even tell you how upset and frustrated I am right now, because his decision making ability is severely hampered and his sense of timing is impeccably stupid. We've been talking about having kids, when we wanted to do it, when we would start trying for over two years now. For christ's sakes, we've talked about baby names for alomst four. We've been trying for two "cycles" now, and on the last day of my ovulation this month, when I was hoping to spend the latter part of our evening at home seducing him, he has to start a conversation about why he doesn't think we can afford kids. Jesus F-ing Christ...could his timing be ANY worse? First of all, if two people who own a home around the American Median Value and make a combined income of about $70K a year (and that's with me in a starter-level position with the next promotion fetching a raise of 5-10K) can't have a baby, who can, really? Second of all, could he NOT have HAD this conversation with me oh, about six months ago, when we sat down and looked at our debt and savings and picked out a month to START TRYING? And finally, does he not realize that toying with a woman's emotions while she's ovulating and hormonal is bad enough, but to do it when last night they made love and looked into each other's eyes and laughed about "maybe that was the time that did it" and the next night he looked at you and said "why did I marry you?" is just murder? What the HELL is wrong with him?

I should have seen this coming. I mean, this is a person who takes ten minutes to decide what to order at the FREAKING WAFFLE HOUSE. I should have known that he can't just take a leap this big after merely talking it over for years, that he would need a Power Point presentation on how much diapers cost and the current inflation rate of onesies. I should have called ten different daycares in my area and made a graph of the average cost of childcare in a week, as well as compared that with how much of my income would be spent on childcare versus the benefits of staying at home and not working (not happening b/c the State of NC offers the worst Health Care rates EVER for spouses and family). I should have realized that he would need to hold a focus group discussion of ten parents in our neighborhood as well as know their yearly income compared to their monthly mortgage payment. Had I done all of this ahead of time, I could have spared myself the drama of me screaming "well, let's just hope I'm not pregnant yet " while waving the toilet brush at him. (I like to clean when I'm angry...don't ask.)

Anyway. I'm sure now that things will just be swell in our household for the next week or so. I have basically been pushed to the edge by this, and I'm now second guessing everything about our relationship. Maybe because it's all fresh and new in my mind right now, or maybe because I feel like no matter what I do things are just not going to move forward. I didn't even want marriage or kids before I met this person, and now he's proving that maybe he's the one having a hard time committing to the house we bought a year ago and the idea of raising children. Who knows? All I know is that typing this is keeping me from hopping in the car and buying a pack of cigarettes, which is what I really want to do. So, sorry for the raw emotion.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 01:12 | link | comments (2) |
childbearing

Comments:

#1 16 September 2008 - 01:53

Oy.

I'm not married, so feel free to completely ignore what I say after this point.

You're normal. Both of you. Every married couple I know has gone through periods of "why did I marry you?" And every couple with kids has the freak out period(s). Nobody knows if they are ready or if they can afford it (more common with men, it seems).

He did have some pretty bad timing, though.

greeneyes

#2 16 September 2008 - 13:06

let me comment as a veteran of marriage, as a father and as a non-sissy.

if this wasn't the time that got you pregnant, for the sake of the little nipper that is not yet born, start using birth control RIGHT NOW.

why? because your relationship isn't really strong enough to give the kid what he or she needs -- two parents that are passionate about each other, who know themselves well and are both ready to commit fully to being the best parents they can be, right from the start.

kids do NOT help people have better marriages.

seriously, take some time to work on yourselves and the relationship, then think about having a kid. otherwise you'll be bringing a kid into a confusing and less than ideal family situation.

i'm sorry if this comes off as judgmental or as too cold. I don't mean it that way at all. I just happen to feel strongly about the issue and after a lot of life experience, feel pretty confident about my opinions.

good luck and take care,