Last Splash

The gene pool could use a little Chlorine.

I think my marriage is falling apart before it begins. Not really, but I think it's been almost six months since I've gotten a really good night's sleep. And everyone says you get used to it, but I think it's actually getting worse. Yes, J snores. Sometimes loudly, sometimes not, but almost every freaking night. I've tried earplugs, melatonin, he's tried breathe right and Vick's vapo-rub (we smell like retired people going to sleep) and some nights nothing works. I just want to be able to lie down and fall asleep peacefully. See, it used to be just a problem of me being awake for an hour or more before I could finally fall asleep, but once I was asleep I was like a log...nothing could wake me except my 6AM slice of cheese and glass of orange juice ritual that I've done 3 nights a week since I was 10. But here's an excerpt from last night's script:

11:57 PM: Climb into bed after watching Olympics. Hugs, kisses, cuddling, and laughing as usual.
12:01 AM: J falls asleep about 30 seconds after he says "I love you".
12:06 AM: The snoring begins. I lie there and let my thoughts drift but all I can hear is his snoring. I kick him. He stops.
12:08 AM: The snoring starts back up. I nudge him with my butt. He stops
12:14 AM: Almost have drifted asleep, but there goes that damn snoring. Kick him (not hard) in the shin. He stops.

Basically, this is typical, but for some reason I was too lazy to either put plugs in or go get him a Breathe Right strip (or so jaded now that I assume it won't work). I finally fall asleep a little before 2AM. That's right...it took me almost two hours. And like I said before, once I'm down, I'm usually totally down until he wakes me up on his way out of the door. Oh, but not tonight.

4:27 AM: Something crazy is happening on the other side of the bed, with lots of loud mouth-breathing and snores in between. And it WOKE ME UP. So, I flounce into the bathroom, then get my cheese and orange juice, sitting grumpily in the living room. He comes out of the bedroom, innocently saying "hi, what are you doing up" and I have to stop myself from punching him in the face. So, we have a quick argument that neither of us remember much of because we were half asleep, and then I make a comfortable little bed on the couch.

5:18 AM: I have JUST drifted off when I'm woken up by some shrilly chirping bird outside that just won't shut up. Now I really feel like physical violence will ensue if I don't get some fucking sleep.

7:58 AM: Looks like J slept in this morning, too. He's in the shower, so I jump into our bed and spread out into what he refers to as "starfish" position.

10:14 AM: I finally roll out of bed, still feeling like I got less than six hours of sleep.

Seriously, this is becoming a major problem in our household. I know I can't blame him, that it's nature and not his fault and my rational mind understands all of that, but try convincing me to not lay blame when it's four in the morning and I feel like I haven't slept at all yet.We've ruled out sleep apnea (it's not that kind of snoring) and J thinks it's because of weight gain because I never used to complain about it, and he keeps telling me to wait it out, but seriously, it will take almost the whole summer for him to lose 20 lbs and I cannot stay awake (or in half-fitful sleep) for the next 5 months. What's a girl to do?

posted by: Cannonball14 at 15:22 | link | comments (5) |

I had a moment last weekend. We had visited friends in a town an hour and a half away (a town where I have been offered a very good promotion and have until May to decide if I want it or not) and were on the way home. It was late, maybe a little after 3AM, and we were just leaving the outskirts of town. It had snowed. The roads were slick and there was almost no one on them. We passed a huge building on the right, all lit up. It was a local headquarters building for CitiBank. I don't know what they do there, they may be telemarketers or bill collecters or they may just be data-entry people, but there was a big sign on the site that had a website for jobs. And very nonchalantly, J turned to me and said "write that website down and I'll look at it tomorrow".

Now, let me backtrack a little...we've been frustrated lately by the fact that we both have lucrative job opportunities on the horizon, but mine involves moving to a place where State jobs are infrequent at best, and three or four paygrades lower than what he's making now. Our options are to move to a town in between and both commute an hour in opposite directions (neither of us has ever had a commute of more than 25 minutes), or for me to take the job and him to find some kind of work (likely a step down, and not working for the State, where he is now "tenured"), or for me to pass the opportunity up and wait. At this point, none of these are great scenarios, and of course this job I've been offered is the perfect step for my career, but I'm going to be part of a 'unit' soon and cannot make a decision like this without factoring how it will change our lives.

So, basically there has been a big back and forth in our household of me trying to point out why commuting is the best option, countered with J pointing out that any money we make in raises will be negated by gas and car maintenance, countered by me pointing out that my company is being bought in a few months and I need this title on my resume in case I get canned in the takeover, countered by him saying I'm not going to get canned anyway and you KNOW we're going to open a store in ______ in the next year and I should wait it out for that one countered by me saying "there's no way that store will be as high volume as the one I'm being offered now" countered by him saying "it doesn't matter what volume the store does, you can turn it into a higher volume store" countered by me saying "you don't understand this business...a higher volume store makes you more visible, and that store will be smaller and hold less merchandise, meaning it really can't be as high volume..." and so on and so forth. And this conversation happens about 3 times a week.

So imagine my delight when he wanted to check into jobs at this CitiBank location, meaning he's at least trying to look around and scour the options, which makes me secure in knowing he really does want what's best for me. And I was already happy, but then the radio started playing "Fade Into You" from Mazzy Star, which is never played on the radio and was one of our favorite songs back in the day and I looked at him and he reached for my hand and we just had this moment where I thought "no one knows you this well, or probably ever will" and I got all emotional and cried a little and everything was right with the world.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 16:16 | link | comments (2) |

When did I become an adult? I'm not saying I'm not fun-loving or don't have immature moments, but when was the exact moment I went from naive to responsible? When did giggling in the back seat of a car, passing a bottle of Jagermeister on the way to a dance club become *gasp* ordering that third pint of beer that I maybe shouldn't have? When did New Year's Eve go from stumbling around the sidewalks of Manhatten in a mini-skirt at 2 AM to inviting friends over to drink and spend the night at our apartment, so no one would have to drive after drinking? When did flashing truck drivers from my the back of a passenger van on a trip for my performing group become driving said performing group to their next competition and taking care of all accomodations, being responsible for 20 15-21 year olds? When did switching jobs when I wanted a new challenge become having to weigh the options of career advancements against moving away from my family? When did wanting to move to D.C., Boston, or New York to experience "city life" become wanting to move further towards the outskirts of town to have more than a half acre of land and some peace and quiet? When did skinny dipping after the pool closed (and walking back to the apartment naked) become being self-conscious in a two-piece in front of my family? I'm sure if I sat here long enough, I could think of so many more things that have changed (seemingly suddenly) in the last 5 years, but I cannot pinpoint the moment between 19 and 26 that doing all of the things I use to do became all the things I do now. When I look back at myself at 19 or 20, I think "man, those were fun times" and in the next breath I think "man, I did some stupid shit"!

posted by: Cannonball14 at 17:10 | link | comments |

Well, computer broke down and as soon as I signed back on I was tagged by greeneyes. I'm not gonna tag anyone else, but I'll at least answer the damn questions!

Four jobs I've had:
sold knives, lifeguard, camp director, preschool teacher

Four movies I'd watch over and over:
Superstar, Magnolia, Princess Bride, Titanic (cheesy, but I actually could watch it several more times) these aren't my favorite movies, just the ones I could watch several times over
Four places I've lived:
my parent's house, a college dorm room, 3 different apartments...that sums it up
Four TV shows I love:
Gray's Anatomy, America's Next Top Model, Good Eats, 20/20
Four places I've vacationed:
Jackson Hole/Yellowstone, Asheville, Atlantic Beach, Savannah...the list could go on
Four favorite dishes:
mac and cheese, tomato-basil-mozarella, cheesy bread w/ marinara, choc-chip cookie dough (or anything batter) wow...I wish it were a little more sophisticated than this...

Four sites I visit daily:
if I told you, I'd have to kill you...
Four places I'd rather be right now:
Italy (or just a general European trip), Tahiti in an over-water bungalow, New York, soaking in the tub on my day off

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:45

2. Diamonds or pearls?  definitely diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?  Walk the Line (there are so many I want to see right now)

4. What is your favorite TV show?  Gray's Anatomy

5. What did you have for breakfast?  nothing (bad, I know) but I'm not feeling very well, so I dumped a sugar free hot chocolate packet into my coffee to make a mocha
6. What is your middle name?  it's really not important...it'll be a distant memory in 9 months
7.What is your favorite cuisine? maybe b/c they're not as easy to find, or maybe because the beer is so good...German, and Irish
8. What foods do you dislike? um...rich people foods (pate, caviar...foie gras, ugh)
9. Your favorite Potato chip?  Doritos, or salt and vinegar
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? David Gray, Life in Slow Motion

11. What kind of car do you drive? an old beat-up pick-up truck (that will change in June)

12. Favorite sandwich?  I don't make sandwiches at home anymore, but Nordstrom cafe has this turkey sandwich (with real turkey chunks and cranberry-citrus chutney) that is to DIE for!

13. What characteristics do you despise?  shallowness, stupidity, not having common sense, manipulative
14. Favorite item of clothing?  I couldn't live without denim...I only have one pair I'm happy with right now so I'm on the hunt

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?  Italy and Germany

16. What color is your bathroom? it's an apartment...not much we can do about it

17. Favorite brand of clothing? brands are not made for women my age...they're cheifly marketed for the 13-21 crowd or the 35-55 crowd...I'm right in between

18. Where would you want to retire to? the mountains...if we're talking lottery winning retirement...buy an island and a house in Jackson, and split the difference
19. Favorite time of day?  11-3...midday...work goes by quicker, and if I'm off it's good relax time

20. Where were you born? NC

21. Favorite sport to watch? HOCKEY!
24. What laundry detergent do you use? Tide
25. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi...I'm a Carolina girl, remember?

26. Are you a morning person or night owl? definitely night owl, but agree with greeneyes...if I'm up before 8 on a day off I feel great...like I have so much more time to work with

27. What size shoe do you wear? 9 1/2 most of the time, but I have big old wide feet

28. Do you have pets?  not any that don't actually belong to my parents...waiting to buy a house...I do have 2 fantastic nephews though (a beautiful lab and a very sweet mix that she found in the road)

posted by: Cannonball14 at 13:55 | link | comments |