Last Splash

The gene pool could use a little Chlorine.

It's official...I am taken! Seriously, this wedding planning thing will put a dent in my blogtime. I guess most of my days off will be used for wedding and other girly crap. We are both taking the day off tomorrow to tour two places, and both are already booked for every Saturday in October, can you believe that? Who are these people that get engaged and plan their wedding for a year and a half or longer? What's that about? So, it's out of town or Sunday for us, which is fine 'cause it's a whole lot cheaper. So, if any of you people have tips, I'll take them!

posted by: Cannonball14 at 20:48 | link | comments (6) |

In other news...I have to mourn the passing of my top celebrity crush. Johnny Damon, how could you? You were everything a girl wanted in a celebrity crush that wasn't real and I knew I would never meet in real life: hot, exotic, long beautiful shiny hair, buff, dumb as bricks, talked like you had some of that big league chew gum stuck in your teeth, hot, and you played for the RED SOX. And two years ago, you might have been worth this contract. But not now. Not now that you're married and want to have dumb, hot little children with your dumb, hot little wife which means that in about 2 years you will lose all of your love of the game and probably get into steroids to keep your home runs coming so that you can support your dumb, hot little family. No, now you are only worth a four year, 32 million dollar contract. That's what you should have gotten. That's what you deserve. Yes, you are were one of my all-time favorite players, but now you are a TRAITOR. And I do not believe the other Bo'Sox fans that think we should have offered you MORE just to keep you from going to the Yankees. Because they have proven time and time again (ahem, Alex Rodriguez and Randy Johnson ring any bells) that they can throw all of the cash they want out and still not buy a World Series. My friend named her CAT after YOU and now you play for the YANKEES? Do you really want to do that? I am now relegated to have crushes only on earlier named local TV Personalities and Peyton Manning, who is unfortunately, only attractive on the inside.  *Sigh* I guess Mike Modano will have to move higher on my list.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 17:14 | link | comments (4) |
the sports report, the ex files

I'm very excited to have very exciting news coming. My relationship is so unique compared to other people. I can tell you, in advance, when I'm getting engaged. I know, girls are supposed to be surprised and all, but when you live together and have for three years, it's kind of hard to not know about these things. And, because I don't work the same schedule every day, J has to ask what time I work certain days, etc., so that he can plan some special surprise. It's all very exciting because I haven't seen the ring and I don't have any idea what we're doing Thursday, but apparently we will be outside for 2 hours, and some other people are having to do special favors for him. So, this is my last 36 hours as a totally free woman. After that, it's all love, weight loss, and wedding planning. Please don't let me become a Bridezilla. I seriously would elope to Tahiti if our families would let us!

posted by: Cannonball14 at 14:48 | link | comments (2) |

Consumerism

Among other points...I'm sick of people saying that consumerism is bad. Consumerism can be troubling if you are buying things you cannot afford, this is true, but no one is making you buy them. I've seen people talking lately about American consumerism and how greedy and selfish we are. I'm sure this is true in some cases, and a lot of Americans have yet to recognize and figure out a way to contribute to huge worldwide problems, but everyone seems to forget that consumerism is what drives our economy. It creates the jobs of all the employees that work in retail, food and service, the hotel industry, plus all of the corporate and wholesale jobs that the retail world creates. Most importantly, it puts money back into our economy and tax system, so that our income taxes don't go new-asshole-tearing high.

A very smart man I know wants Congress to come out with the all sales-tax based tax system. Imagine: you might pay 20% sales tax, but every cent of your paycheck comes to you. I'm sure lots of people will cry that the rich are putting more taxes in than the poor, but it works because your taxes are based on what you buy.

And an addendum to the Wal-Mart thing, I'm not anti Wal-Mart in any way. I actually think it's a great company providing jobs for a lot of hard-working people that my tax money would be paying to support if they didn't work at Wal-Mart. And people can complain about their low wages (no lower than an average retailer, especially big box retailers) but Wal-Mart is a PUBLIC company, and what is their best employee benefit? Stock options, hello. Everyone, from the CEO to the lowliest stockperson, gets stock options. That's like a built in bonus. If I have any complaint about Wal-Mart, it's that I wish they wouldn't choose a location so close to an existing location, clear a swatch of trees to build it, then leave the old one sitting empty for years.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 14:47 | link | comments (5) |
the retail beast, political bullshit

Random musings from today's blog selections...

"Last night I asked a xtian friend a simple question..."did Jesus accept himself as his own personal savior"...and if he didn't, is he in limbo? Speaking of which, where are all those limbo souls going? Another one is how many of these fundies would not accept Jesus in their neighborhood or schools if he returned once they saw that Star of David."

Okay, so the whole argument over Christmas this year is really starting to get to me. If you celebrate Christmas, celebrate it. If you celebrate Solstice, Kwanzaa, Hannuka, or anything else, celebrate it. If we keep arguing over it, eventually we will become so PC that no one will be able to celebrate anything except in the privacy of their closed-up homes. Imagine no Christmas lights, no candles in windows, and no discussion of any religious or secular celebration in December. This is where we're heading.

But this, this is funny. And a quite interesting question. If the only way to the "Promised Land" is through Jesus as your personal savior, what if he forgets to accept himself? I know, I know. The Trinity and all of that. He doesn't need to accept himself, because he is God, etc, but this is still funny!

And next,

"Capitalism is based on greed. Time to start teaching Marx, because everything he said about capitalism has come true."

Countered by...

"Robber barons have bought our government and are looting the Treasury.
This gives them and the corporations they control an insurmountable competitive advantage, which has caused a breakdown of capitalism.

But then it's not Marxism if the state becomes huge and omnipotent instead of "withering".
I can't think that Marx would have been too happy with what either Russia or China have become."

I can't say that I totally agree with either of these guys. My personal view of socialism is that it's one step from Communism, which is apparently where the first guy wants us to head. The breakdown of Capitalism does come in part from the government, but mostly because it's not a perfect system, just like a Democracy is also not a perfect Utopia. Capitalism allows any of us to start our own business or work for someone else's business and make (and keep) our own money. A quite beautiful idea, until you throw in that any company can grow to the size of, say, Wal-Mart, and start forcing out all the other mom and pop retailers. But who can stop Wal-Mart? Should they be stopped? They are providing jobs (although a lot of people will argue they are low paying, but they are JOBS that anyone, even uneducated single moms that can't find work anywhere else, can do). They are giving other people that chance to work and make their own money as the rest of us do, so that we stop living according to the socialist cree "work according to your ability, and get paid according to your need" (thank you Ayn Rand). Bottom line, a "democracy" (especially a bi-partisan one) will not last forever as long as the leaders don't listen to their constituents and spend their time with lobbyists. And Capitalism is not the perfect way to run your democracy (although I still hold the belief that a capitalist nation is far better than a socialist one).

posted by: Cannonball14 at 15:06 | link | comments (4) |
political bullshit

Contradictory

Driving home last night, something kept popping into my head about stereotypes. You know how growing up, in high school and college, all you want to do is fit in? It doesn't even have to be with the popular kids or the coolest, but everyone had their group that they fit into to. I didn't, and still don't. Don't get me wrong, I still wanted desperately to meld into a group, but I was the person that had lots of friends in different groups, but was never really a part of any of them.

I did theater and was actually very involved, TA of a first year class my senior year, directing a play, working on a lot of stuff in my spare time for our drama teacher, but I was never a drama freak. Or one of the "chorus" students that always seemed to be so popular. I was nominated for homecoming queen and outstanding senior by some random cheerleader in my homeroom class, (I didn't make it to the finalist list, but I wasn't the last name anyone expected to see, either) and I still have never figured out if it was a joke or if she was really trying to bring me into her "group". (I don't know because by my senior year I had stopped caring if the cheerleaders wanted to be my friend and I basically ignored her.)

I'm a dancer who has picked up a lot over the years performing in and teaching a performing group, but I'm not one of those girls that can watch a dance movie and chatter constantly about "oh, I remember breaking in your shoes...I did this and this and this to my pointe shoes" and "that is so not how you're supposed to do a tour j'ete'".

I love sports without ever having competed any, unless you count how into field hockey I would get when we got to play it during gym class, or church softball leagues. (If we would only have had field hockey teams at my high school, that would have been my group. I would've kicked ass!)

I love clothes (I work in a clothing store for christs sakes) and I am well dressed (sometimes) without having a pronounced personal style. I read fashion magazines, I buy scarves, but I prefer to wear them the traditional way instead of wrapped around my head and pinned with a brooch.

I'm loud and fun and slightly on the obnoxious side when I drink a little (there are some who would say more than slightly). I also like to be quiet and calm when I'm not in the mood for chatter. I have one gorgeous, large, beautifully placed tatoo (meaning, not at the small of my back because I'm not a sorostitute, remember) and would love to have a couple more, but I'm not goth or hardcore or alternative in any way. I love the mountains, love hiking and being in beautiful, natural places, but no one would ever label me "granola" or "hippie". I'm well read and would love to be well travelled, despite being from the South and raised by a family that's been in the same county for three or four (or more) generations. I love the beach and come from boating parents, love our vacations, but I'm not a surfer or a "beach bum" type. Give me a week to unwind and then I'm ready for something besides the beach. A day trip is a beautiful thing. I drive a truck but country music makes up about 10% of what I like to listen to. I'm tall but I don't play basketball, and never did. Quit asking!

Basically, I've learned through my journey of ongoing self-discovery that I don't have to fit into any group or stereotype. I think I like challenging people's perceptions of me, watching them try to mold me into one thing in their mind and then doing something out of character. It's better to be what I am: someone that is not as self-confidant as I'd like to be, but can go to a movie by myself. I can be friends with hippies, rednecks, freaks, sluts, and librarians all at the same time, because there is a little bit of each one of those in me, but not enough of any for me to be labeled.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 13:49 | link | comments |

"But there is a greater level of understanding on my part.  Understanding of the things that make me react, the  underlying insecurities and fears that make me angry and caustic. 

I am sure this sort of navel-gazing introspection is fascinating for some people but I am not always enthusiastic about it.  It is hard to look at your behaviour and your past and your relationships with brutal honesty and assess your behaviour without justification.  The attributing of blame and responsibility.  The distribution of fault.  To just accept that you have not reacted or behaved in a way that makes you proud or happy or comfortable.  To disregard provocation.  To accept full responsibility for your bad mood or bad behaviour."

This comes from a post on loosestring's blog from today, I think. I thought it was interesting because I've really been through a learning experience lately about myself. I put on a very tough exterior sometimes, a 'you don't want to fuck with me' kind of attitude, but I'm actually very sensitive inside and most of my toughness developed out of a sense of insecurity.

I feel that this insecurity evolved over the formative years (namely middle and early high school, specifically 8-11 grade) and I went through college and my early twenties very much intimated by and intimidating to a lot of people. Within three weeks of meeting my college suitemates, I threw a shoe through our window and broke it. We got through it, and by the end of the semester I think I was pretty well liked, but not the best first impression. The only women I've managed to stay friends with are those that stood up to me and said "you really need to stop being such a bitch" or "quit fooling yourslef, honey, you ain't all that". Maybe not the best influence on most women, but on me it worked.

My first really big job with a lot of responsibility was being a Camp Director. I tried it way too young (21) and a lot of my staff were my age or even older. It didn't work out so great. I was immature, bossy, and fun-loving. Not a great combination for someone responsible for 60 6-12 year olds in the woods all day. But I learned from it, as I've learned from all of my jobs, friends, and failed relationships.

I fell out of love with many many men when they let me have my way, and my current boyfriend (soon to be fiance', followed within the year by husband...) almost never did at first. It was infuriating. We fought like gangbusters, screaming at each other, throwing things, running out of the house and driving away before he could stop me (not the best way to treat each other, we've both learned), but something always made us hold on. No matter how angry I got, I never once had thoughts of leaving (he did, I recently learned). He stood up to me, he told me when I was being whiny and manipulative, and something about that impressed me.

Back to loosstring's post: I feel like accepting blame is hardest in the act. I have grown so much as a person in the last three years that I can now have a moment in the midst of yelling when a lightbulb clicks on and I think "you are totally blowing this out of proportion" and I have to find a way to get out of the argument. I don't always admit fault, but more often than not now I can calm down and say to the other person "you know, I'm really making way too big of a deal out of this" and we can settle. I'm proud of that.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 20:20 | link | comments (2) |
meow, the ex files

Not an actual list, but a more freeform rant about things I'd love to change about myself.
*Disclaimer: I am actually quite comfortable with who I am, so don't start thinking I'm down in the dumps. I just know there's always room for improvement.

Rubbernecking- yes, I will admit. I am one of those. One of those horrid people that like seeing a vivid picture of mangled cars and people on stretchers. The worse the accident, the better. I don't mind being late to work: I have the traffic excuse. It's quite disgusting, and I really wish I could stop.

The Weight Issue- no surprise to my two faithful readers. Come off it already, girl. Yes, I am overweight, and yes, if I were to gain more I would be dipping into the higher risk bracket. But I'm overweight, not grossly obese. I'm overweight in the way that most Americans are. I'm still pretty, I have clear green eyes that sparkle, and gorgeous hair that everyone comments on. I'm not acne-prone, I have nice big bouncy breasts that balance out my size-16 hips, and I have very long legs. So, why am I still hung up on weight, and why haven't I done anything about it?

Over-sensitivity- I don't really believe in all of that Zodiac/Astrology crap, but it sure is fun to read, and I do have the one major defining quality of a Cancer. Combined with the fact that my mouth generally opens and words fly out before my brain even processes the thought, this makes for disaster. I am constantly disecting and over-analyzing previous statements made to friends, my staff, my boss, my mom. Anyone that I might have a remote possibility of offending.

Smoking- please, no rants on this one. I know the health risks better than anyone (even the new ones about it's link to breast and cervical cancer). But I think Jerry Seinfeld said it best when he said "when you're holding a cigarette, it's like you have a little piece of fire in your hand. You've conquered fire." And too many NCSU games come down to the wire.

Being Right- Rarely am I the one to give in during a fight. Enough said.

Flirting- I know this bothers J immensely. I flirt with the UPS guy, his brother, our friends, and anyone else that I can. I am naturally witty. That's the gist of it. I like banter. And it also goes back to number 2...if men flirt back, it makes me feel like I'm still attractive to more than just my beloved. But I promise, I'm not going anywhere. I'm in love, and I know the difference between the real thing and harmless chatter.

Jealousy- That being said, I am extremely jealous of other women. I've tried to be better lately when J mentions one of the girls that works in his office, and once I hear enough about how she dated another guy in his office or has a boyfriend that stopped by, etc., I can totally let it go. But I used to be awful about teasing him about any woman he mentioned. "Oh, did you have a big crush on her? What'd she look like? Was she as tall as me?" etc.etc. I can't imagine what hell that was for him. I still sometimes do it, but it's more like we'll see a woman on the street or on TV and I'll cast a sly glance at him and mention that I know he was looking because she's his type. But after all the flirting, I still feel like a hypocrite.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 14:41 | link | comments (1) |