Last Splash

The gene pool could use a little Chlorine.

http://www.washingtondc.craigslist.org/m4w/112432391.html

Settle in with a drink, this could be awhile...

So, I'm off today, and really wanted to post because it's been a week, but I wasn't feeling particularly inspired. Sure, I could discuss my personal politics or the tremendous performance my store had over the weekend, but those things are boring to other people, and I loathe to be boring. I was checking in with mo'timers, wondering if American Baby had arrived yet (tomorrow is the big day, congratulations) when I came across the above link in a post Jheka made. I urge you to check it out before reading this, but I warn you: it may take the better (or worse) part of an afternoon, so do like I did and skim the parts that interest you. Then come back to me.

Wow. This guy is truly putting himself out there, right? Never have I seen such an honest representation of one's personality, and on craigslist of all places. He has it all figured out, right down to photo opporunities. I can't believe this guy is still single, because I would expect that any man with such strong manly manliness would have females falling all over him, professing how sick they were of 'sensitive' men and how he really knew them better than anyone (because after all, we as a female race are all exactly alike and have the same wants, needs, and desires, and how appropriate that here is the one man that can truly recognize that we want him to make the decision exactly 9 out of 10 times, but he's warm to the fact that that one time we want to choose he is willing to actually listen to us and let us *shock* get our way).

For a while there, I thought he was being witty and sarcastic, and actually started to like him in an amused sort of way, but then it drug on...and on...and on...and he launched into my Favorite Subject...physical attractiveness. Now, I'm no dog, but the reason this tag is called 'meow' is because I am particularly sensitive to the weight=beauty equation. (Some of you would say that's because I'm overweight, and I say "ha ha, you're right, fuck off".) In fact, it's my favorite way to be catty, and probably the most unattractive thing about me is that I'm one of those reverse weight-critical people. I'm one of those awful people that thinks things like "she's not very pretty...he's probably only with her because she's so skinny" or "wow she's beautiful...I'll bet the bitch doesn't know the difference between 'where' and 'wear'..." I know it's awful, I will admit it, but it bothers me that we've seen this shift in society over the last several years. When I was in high school, I was painfully awkward, all 5'8" and 115 pounds of me (no, I was not anorexic, and I tried to gain weight) and all of the boys at school were much more interested in the girls with boobs and a nice thick ass, but it seems that the last 10 years have seen a trend towards hot being Paris Hilton thin, and actresses like Minnie Driver and Kate Winslet are seen as "heavier". I know that everyone says they're beautiful, but all the insipid fashion mags say it like it's this amazing thing, that they've 'made it in Hollywood even though they are a normal size 6 or 8'. (For those of you who want a mental picture of me, look at a photo of good ol' Kate and add fourty-fifty pounds, depending on what kind of day either of us is having.)

Back to our subject: I started to feel very good about my boyfriend as I was reading this. All of my weight issues aside, I still have days when I feel beautiful and sexy and desirable, and part of that is attributed to him and the attitude he has towards me. The way he can't keep his hands off me at the most random times, like when I'm washing dishes, or the way that if I start to undress to take a shower, it doesn't matter what he's doing, his head snaps around quicker than if Pamela Anderson was stripping for him. I love the fact that our relationship is so good towards one another we can look at a picture that he took of me sleeping, and for some reason the way I was laying gave me this larger-than-life belly and he caught me all at the wrong moment, and we laughed uproaringly at the fact that I looked like I was literally, about to give birth (before deleting the pic, of course) and I didn't feel pangs of self-hate. Or that we can say honestly "we really should go to the gym tonight" without one of us thinking "great, he/she's trying to tell me I'm fat and unwanted". This has all been carefully cultivated over the last three years, because before he met me, most of the girls he was interested in were thin, or least that average size 6 or 8. I don't know when the shift occured, but I'm damn thankful for it. He truly makes me feel like there is no woman in the world more desirable, and although I agree that I can't 'let myself go' totally and just stop washing my hair and start eating McDonald's every day, I don't think it's my Job to remain sexy day in and day out. I think that we fell in love for many reasons wholly unattached to how attractive we were to each other, and if that's the biggest thing to holding onto your man, to stay sexy around him and his friends, then that's a doomed relationship from the start.

And when it comes to the part about protecting his woman if she's "about to get raped or something". What?! Has he dated a lot of rape/sexual assault/ domestic violence victims? Now, I know that sexual assault happens to all kinds of women for many different reasons, but if he's surrounding himself with women that are for some reason, likely to be serial targets of rape, then he must seriously have a thing against independent, cheeky, stand-up for themselves women. I have done a lot of research into the fields of sexual and domestic assault, and a lot of these women are succeptible to these relationships because they are weaker and something in them allows their mind to believe they are inferior to their "attacker". Before you get into tirades, yes I know this is a big generalisation, especially when it comes to rape, and I know better than anyone that strong-willed women are just as succeptible in some cases, especially random violence. But when it comes to domestic abuse, more often than not a man that is physically or emotionally abusive will gravitate towards women that are low on self-esteem and high on dependancy. They will stay away from stronger willed women because they know that there is less of a chance they'll be able to 'break them'. Unless they just want a challenge. So, it seems to me that this lunatic wants to surround himself with submissive women, and that's a BIG red-flag.

Now, when it comes to the rest of the post, I think we can safely say that this guy is a wacko. Or has it all figured out. I don't know if this post is about everything I wanted it to be about, but I do feel like I sufficiently got out what was on my mind. And now, this hot mama has to go get some lunch so I can stay "fed and healthy".

posted by: Cannonball14 at 16:42 | link | comments (4) |
meow

Okay, I promised a Pete Carroll episode and here goes. Watching football the other night, and what a game it was, I was faced with the question of why I don't like Pete Carroll or USC. It's nothing personal; I don't like the Patriots or the Cowboys or the Yankees for the same reason (well, I don't like the Cowboys because I grew up a Skins fan and I hate the Yankees because I'm a Red Sox fan, but still) I hate dynasties. And USC is as close to being a Dynasty as college football has. It's an interesting study in human nature as to why we want to bring down whoever's on top. In sports, why do we root for the underdog? The same reason we want to see people above us fail sometimes? Does everyone have an issue with inadequate feelings, and seeing someone else succeed makes us feel like a lesser person? I have had my share of self-esteem issues in the past, especially when it comes to body image or wanting desperately to be liked, but I feel like I'm in a better place now than ever before. Maybe because I'm finally in a trusting, two-way relationship that I've 'succeeded' at, or because I can recognize that I can be overweight and still be beautiful, or a strong willed, slightly anal-retentive woman that people still laugh with and have fun with. But no matter how comfortable I am with myself, I still like to see pretty, skinny girls make an idiot of themselves when they say something stupid or have a Valley girl accent. And I still love to see an underdog sports team pull out a huge upset. Like Georgia Tech beating Miami. Even though that means there will definitely not be an ACC National Champion. At last, basketball season is upon us...

posted by: Cannonball14 at 02:47 | link | comments (1) |
meow, the sports report

I'm a dynasty hater. Stayed up half the night hoping Fresno St. could pull it off, but no luck. Go Texas...

posted by: Cannonball14 at 16:37 | link | comments (1) |

For all my Canadian friends out there. (Well, ok, for Rog...)

I got to see Sidney Crosby play for the first time last night and HOLY SHIT. I love hockey. Love, Love, Love it. There is no doubt in my mind that it is now my favorite sport and takes precedence over college basketball. (Sorry, greeneyes, football is great fun, but it was always only a close third in my book...) I just needed a barely-18 kid to show me that. This is what hockey has been waiting for...this is the Next Big Thing. I mean, I know that other people have said it, but I never quite believed them until I watched the Philly/Pitt game last night. He got high sticked in the face, chipped a couple of teeth, went to the locker room to get stitches in his mouth, and then came back out and scored the OT game-winner. Just like that. A day at the office. He so obviously has a love for the game that it makes him exciting to watch. He's not there to be the Next Big Thing, he's there to play and have fun. What a NOVEL idea in pro sports. Here's a kid (my John Madden digression) that can get blocked, fall over two defenders, land on his ass, and make a shot on goal while trying to get back up. WHAT?! Who does that? I love him. I want him on my team. I might become a Penguins fan. Sorry, Ovechkin, it sucks that there was no hockey last year, because you would have been Rookie of the Year. Too late.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 14:03 | link | comments (5) |
the sports report

pain...

When I'm watching football or basketball  (not hockey, because those guys are ruthless) I sometimes laugh when a player is down for so long with something as silly as a hamstring cramp. Today, however, the joke is on me. It is painful, and I can vouch for that, having spent ten minutes in the stockroom today bawling and moaning in pain as I crawled to my office chair. I was almost hyperventilating, it hurt so bad. So I'm here to tell everyone out there: avoid gluteus/hamstring cramps at all costs. They are not worth whatever activity you thought you had to strain yourself into.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 21:13 | link | comments (4) |

Okay...so the Wolfpack are having a great game. Halftime and we're down 7 but I can't complain (any more than usual).

But the 'Canes...what the hell? For you hockey fans out there, I just have to ask: you have a hot goalie. Shutout last night, stopped 40 shots in the last two games. I understand it's a back-to-back game, but why wouldn't you play your hot goalie? Especially when there are five goals scored against Ward in the first period. (Two of those were 5 on 3, so you can't ask for a miracle.) But still, after the third goal went in, pull his ass if Gerber isn't injured. Come on, coach: 5 goals went in on 12 shots.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 01:05 | link | comments (2) |
the sports report

So, I haven't let anyone know what I thought of Kanye's CD, but that's because I have to listen to a CD numerous times before I'm ready with a verdict, and since I've been listening to David Gray's entire album like, every other day, I've only had time for Foo Fighter's once (although it's a double disc, cut me some slack) and I finally listened to Late Registration a third time. Here's the verdict:

It's kind of hit or miss, actually. Gold Digger is honestly the best song on there, although the whole Ray Charles/Jamie Foxx thing actually gets a little irksome after say, the fifteenth time you've heard it. Kanye's lyrics, however, are the shit. I was disappointed to see a collaboration with Adam Levine, because some of my old Raleigh band scene friends highly recommended the Maroon 5 album and I quickly found out that they had lost all of their musical talent and resorted to an over-synthesized thirty-year-old-boy-band sound, but I was impressed by that track on the Kanye album. Most of the other songs were fairly boring and un-original, with the exception maybe of "Drive Slow" and "Gone". Unless you're just a big Kanye fan (which, if you're reading my blog, is probably not likely) then I'd just download Golddigger to your Ipod (if you're cool enough to have one instead of kicking it old style like me) and be done with it, whitey.

At the same time, though, my friend bought Black Eyed Peas' Monkey Business and I have to say, I am totally turned on to that band. See, I've had this long-standing grudge with the Pea's because of the whole "let's totally change our band and hire this skinny white bitch to dance in front of us and it'll be dope" thing, but I'm reformed. I'll admit it. It's one of the best albums I've heard this year. It's got a lot of good fusion sounds, but still remains true to what the Peas' were doing three years ago (just not what they were doing six years ago when I bought the BEP album that apparently no one else has ever heard of). And yes, I'm even cool with Fergie now, because I found out what a dork-ass name she has (Stacy Ferguson) and that she did, in fact, help write some of the songs. So, I highly recommend that album to anyone and feel guilty that I let my friend burn me a copy instead of buying it myself. Please don't arrest me.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 17:58 | link | comments |
music theory

Pickles...

So, when I was looking for something to make for lunch today I began eyeing the fridge and looking for leftovers. (I ended up making spaetzle, go figure.) I spotted, in the door, a jar of dill slices and a jar of sweet gherkins, and my grandmother's apartment in the final weeks of her life came flooding back to me. She had dementia, which is in a way like alzheimer's but it's a short term memory loss. I could call her and she would immediately know which of her 20-odd grandchildren or great chandchildren this voice belonged to, but she would get lost coming home from the store to the house she had lived in for over 20 years. Hence the pickles. I swear, the woman must have bought one or another jar of pickles every time she went grocery shopping, because she simply forgot that she had 6 or 7 jars in the fridge. So, when she became very sick and we knew it was the end (she was too spirited for us to ever consider a nursing home), we moved her to an apartment closer to my aunt's, and we all took turns staying with her in case she needed us. And we all took home pickles or relish, because by that point she could have been running a Mount Olive store from her refrigerator. As I stood there today staring at these familiar green and darker green jars, I briefly considered having one before the ridiculous notion popped in my head that I should save these pickles and pass them down through my family. Because pickles never really go bad, right?

posted by: Cannonball14 at 20:18 | link | comments (4) |

I have to get this off my chest. After the hockey game I was trying to talk J into a movie (we've had fear dot com sitting around since Halloween...the no late fees thing is working for us b/c we can keep a movie for like, 2 weeks) b/c it was only 9:30. He wasn't into it and started flipping channels and landed on Trading Spouses. I think it's the Fox version of WifeSwap. Anyway, I am the reality buff, and I was still trying to talk him into a movie at this point but he said the show was interesting. And now I don't know if I'm glad I watched it or not.

A quick background in my religious practices: grew up without church or God, got jealous of kids in 5th grade and told my mom we needed to start going to church, we did, I earned the nickname "good little Christian girl" in high school, went away to college and had a Jewish roommate and was introduced to a whole host of cultures and religions that my cult-like Southern Baptist church refused to accept, and decided that maybe organized religion is not my thing. I believe in God, have a spiritual side, pray with my boyfriend occasionally, and enjoy the fellowship at his church (we go about 5 times a year) but will probably never join a church or religion again. Maybe the Universalist Unitarians, but that (and my mom's problem with my beliefs) are another post entirely.

Anyway, back to the show. So one was a cool, laidback mom whose family was into New Age and Pagan practices (by the way, Paganism and the worship of the earth and moon is something I think is too cool...the way certain religions twist their beliefs into other things is atrocious). The other was a "Spiritual Warrior". We didn't watch until almost the end of the show, but apparently Warrior mom had a really tough week because the husband was trying to tell her about Paganism and there were gargoyles in the house. The other mom had a great week without forcing any of her New Age beliefs on anyone. They met, cried, exchanged letters, etc...and when New Age mom got home, even though Warrior-mom had left weird allocations of the money (each boy got $3000 to spend on what he wanted, but the daughter only got $1800, and the mom had to choose how it should be spent...Promise Keepers at their best) the New Age family was still thankful for the experience. The New Age mom seemed disappointed that her family hadn't had the same great experience that she got out of the deal, and that Warrior mom had been uncomfortable while she was in her house.

Well, when the Spirutual Warrior got home all hell broke loose. Her kids came to hug her and she pushed them off and started screaming about what a terrible time she'd had, how scared she was, how she had needed their prayers and they were here getting Paganized by the New Ager, how no non-Christians would ever be allowed in her house again, etc. On and on this went for ten minutes...she ripped up the letter with the money allocations and said she would not accept un-Godly money from an un-Godly woman telling her how to spend it on her family. Her little girl was shocked, her middle daughter and husband were embarrased, her oldest daughter was in tears. After she found out how the money was allocated, of course she changed her mind and accepted it. Fucking Hypocrite. Anyway, I was shocked at her actions and just wondered how she could think that she was 'planting the seed of Jesus' in the non-believer's mind when she couldn't stand to be around them? Doesn't she realize that to convert people to her religion she has to show what a calmer, more at peace person she is? Does she think that any 'non-believers' watching the way she treated her family that night would want to have the kind of relationship with God that she has? Could someone please explain this behaviour to me?

posted by: Cannonball14 at 15:05 | link | comments (3) |
tv guide

Two penalty shots in the same period? Mon dieu, I thought it could not happen! What a game. Seriously, Buffalo should be winning way more games than they are...one of the 'Canes toughest yet. I love the team, but still shudder when I think of us playing Detroit. Oh well, all's well that ends well and the 'Canes won their 8th straight last night.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 13:45 | link | comments (4) |
the sports report

Ahhhh, the pressure of a job promotion. I feel good...I've a had a good week so far and worked my butt off. One thing I wish I could grow out of is my need for praise to feel like I'm doing a great job. Before I was promoted, I got lots of praise because I was doing "above and beyond". Now of course, I'm just doing my job, so not much praise is warranted. I'm feeling more pressure to get to everything than I was before, more dejected when something is missed or went wrong, and less pride when something is great because it's no longer more than what's expected of me. It's just what is expected of me. I want my staff to be happy and stress-free, and my DM to feel like I'm the best. Does that make me a people pleaser, or just a good manager?

posted by: Cannonball14 at 20:51 | link | comments (1) |
the retail beast

I must be in a real fall mood. I have the day off after a harrowing busy retail weekend. Excellent for me, since in the two weeks of my "trial period" so far I'm 5% above plan, and my payroll is excellent. Going to SuperTarget for my double points (so I can do the kiddie Christmas Shopping with my 10% off certificate...yeah, I'm frugal) and to pick up the last things I need for my menu tonight.

Butternut Squash Soup (it's pretty evident that I will have to invest in an immersion blender today), oven roasted sweet potatoes (from God knows who's garden...my grandmother gave J a bag of them when he went for dinner last Thursday...I love the small-town South), and skillet maple apple chicken sausages with Vidalia's and apples. Yummy. It's my night to be the gourmet in this family. I'm such a wifey...did laundry all day and cleaned the kitchen, and by the time J gets home I'll be working on dinner prep. It's nice to pretend!

Oh, and I can't forget the Reisling. We're total red wine junkies (seriously, we split a bottle with dinner, sometimes more than once a week...sometimes more than twice a week) so we never have white wine in the house.

Okay, off to market...it feels so fifties to say that!

posted by: Cannonball14 at 18:41 | link | comments (4) |

I have nothing interesting to say.

I think I may have PMS. I had two days off work this week, and when I came back into my store yesterday I was like 'what the hell happened'. One of our new managers has this insanely annoying habit of leaving clothes everywhere...clothes on hangers on top of the folding table, clothes on our concierge desk, folded clothes draped over the hangbar in the fitting room. CLEAN UP YOUR GODDAMN CLOTHES! ...that felt better. She does a great job, really, I'm just one of those anal-retentives that has to have the counters cleaned off and the mess put away. Unless I'm at home, where I seem to let it all slide a little too much!

I made fajitas the other night. Hint: you can't shred lettuce on a mini shredder.

I think it must be PMS. I quit my birth control randomly. I hate birth control. Would someone explain to me why it will work for 6 months, and then all of a sudden it's like BAM...thought you had another week before your period? You're wrong...I'm coming today! A week early! (And this has happened with 4 different kinds.)

Okay, that's all I got. Disappointing, I know. But I feel better!

posted by: Cannonball14 at 14:55 | link | comments (2) |
the retail beast

The best thing about days off in the middle of the week? Leftover lasagna and a beer at noon! (oooh, and I wonder if VH1 is running any Top Model marathons) Suddenly the long hours Saturday and Sunday seem so worth it.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 15:40 | link | comments (1) |

I'm back after a long weekend of working way too much. And eating a lot of candy yesterday. Halloween is the devil.

 I went engagement ring shopping on Sunday. (Not alone, we went together...) It was a very nice experience. My man is the type that is always last to order when the waitress is at a table of ten, because he can never decide what it is exactly that he wants. Every time we get in the car, there's a moment of hesitation and he unfailingly asks "do you think it would be faster if we went..." (one of the generally exasperating but at the same time endearing qualities that just make him, him). So, naturally, the way he wants to buy an engagement ring is this: We walk into a store, try on five rings, I pick one and say "I want this ring right here, with a one carat stone, platinum, engraved with 'I love you' on the inside". (Not that that's anywhere close to what I want, just an example.)

I, on the other hand, am a very complicated woman. I want sidestones but not a three-stone ring. I want a band with diamonds as a wedding band, but NOT channel-set diamonds. I'm not traditional, but a princess solitaire on a wide band is something I'd go for. I don't like big chunky rings, but I love vintage settings. I like emerald cut, but only in a certain setting. Etc. etc. etc. I'm very clear on what I visually like (I use to manage a jewelry store, for crying out loud.) I also want to be surprised. (IE: his plan doesn't work for me.)

So, compromise. We picked 4 settings. Two are waaay too expensive, so unless the jeweler can come up with a generic version (instead of paying an extra $1000 because it's made by some guy named Scott Kay and I'm supposed to care. In the retail world, we call that 'adding perceived value' but luckily I know bullshit when I see it) I'm not getting those. The other two are the first one I picked out, and surprisingly, a vintage style that he picked. Now, I can't put on here what my favorite is b/c he likes to eavesdrop occasionally (what do you call that in web terms? websdrop? blogdrop?) and he's getting nothing out of me, but I'm very excited after our excursion.

I'm such a girl. Suddenly I'm looking online to see what bridal shows are coming, I've started a wedding "lookbook" with pages I've ripped out of magazines, and finding possible tie-the-knot and honeymoon sites. Ugh. Being a guy's girl, more into sports and good beer than getting dolled up to go drink Cosmo's at a girly-ass party, it's really hard sometimes to admit to being a girly girl. But I am...sigh. I buy lots of makeup, skincare, and hair products. I love clothes (although I am much more comfortable in my jeans and Chucks than anything involving heels). I read magazines and catalogues. I gossip. I'm hard to put up with on days when I'm emotional. Remind me again why you men put up with us?

Oh yes, that's right...T and A.

posted by: Cannonball14 at 15:11 | link | comments (2) |